“Mommy, tomorrow will things be back to normal?”

I looked into those bright blue eyes framed by long, thick, light brown eyelashes. It took me a few seconds to respond. I was sitting on the side of my 8 year daughter’s bed, tucking her into her bubble gum pink comforter as I prepared for our nightly routine—prayer followed by a song—a routine that she couldn’t sleep without and that only mommy can do. My son never needed these routines—a tuck in and quick kiss after story time was all he’d ever needed. But my children’s bedtime routines is hardly the point. My daughter was asking me a question that I didn’t even know the answer to. Let’s face it, her words asked about tomorrow, but she was really asking me, when are things going back to normal?

I’ll admit, her question, although it’s been one that’s been going around in my brain for several weeks, caught me off guard. It was like a punch in the gut. Why is an eight year old worried about when things are going back to normal? I mean from my viewpoint her life seems pretty sweet right now, three meals a day provided plus snacks, tons of junk food in the house, extra screen time, minimal school-work, Face-timing with friends, later bedtime, sleeping in every day. What more do you need?

And what “normal” was she referring to? This is week 5 of social distancing…doesn’t 5 weeks of something make it normal? I mean, I’ll be really honest, I feel like I’ve been in this pandemic groundhog day like hell for about 6 months. Each day is the same, wake up, fix coffee, fix breakfast, eat, try to do schoolwork and have my kids do schoolwork—-some days are more successful than others, zoom meeting(s), fix lunch, go for a walk, go for a run, take a shower, have a glass of wine or a bottle (only kidding)—because I’m off tomorrow, fix dinner, work a puzzle/play cards/watch tv, put the kids to bed, work a puzzle/play cards/watch tv, read, stay up super late because I can’t sleep or fall right to sleep only to wake up at 3 a.m. wide awake. Repeat.

Don’t worry, I didn’t respond with sarcasm to my eight-year old, of course the normal she was referring to was the normal of life before the lock-down. The life where we got up Monday through Friday, got dressed and went to school. The life where after school we’d run to practice or the gym, then get home just in time to grab takeout or sling some dinner on the table, finish homework, shower, read a story and go to bed. The life where our weekends were full of lacrosse games, trips to the store, and hanging out with friends. The life that left me wanting to be at home to get projects finished, to hang out in my pj’s and drink coffee with a good book on a Saturday morning.

The truth is, who knows when and if we will ever get back to “normal”. You know the time before when you didn’t stay home day-after-day. When you didn’t give a thought to stopping at the store without gloves and a mask on, when you didn’t worry if you’d run out of toilet paper or if you’d get Covid-19 from touching the groceries you just bought or bringing the mail into the house without spraying it with Lysol. Where you could drive out to your parents house and visit or meet your friends for a drink at a local brewery. My heart is heavy with loss and the only thing I’ve lost is the freedom to go and do. We have food, we have income, we have each other, we are safe. Looking at it from a different perspective, makes it not seem that bad. But you know what “they” say, the grass is always greener from the other side.

I told my daughter the truth I know, “I don’t think it’s going to be tomorrow, honey. But I’m looking forward to things going back to normal too.”

And now, after 5 weeks, I’m ready to stop mourning the loss of what we had and I’m ready to get down to creating our new normal. What does that look like? Well, I’m not really sure, but I know it starts with a more positive outlook and routine. It’s going to start with getting showered and dressed every day, making a list and sticking to it, and enjoying the sunshine and spring days.